Turn up the radio
I need it more than ever now
(more than ever now)
It’s the first snow of the year
and something in the atmosphere
is coming here
Froze in our memories again
soon you’ll forget but I just can’t
I realized today that my perception had evolved greatly, over the past month when my spiritual sensitivity was rather dull. I reminisced about high school. As I reminisced, I sensed the that high school memories had become just as nostalgic as my childhood. It is not that long ago, but all the upsetting, embarrassing, frustrating memories were now ceased away. Now, all memories put together were filled with love, wishes to return, and some laughter over things I used to despise. All the good and bad things were not even distinguishable. I just wish that good and bad experiences weren’t such time consuming factors. They both require a long time to finally admit to my mind that they are in fact indifferent to each other – it’s just the trigger of how I perceive them that characterizes what they do to me. I judge the good and bad, therefore nothing is at fault. It is all under my control whether or not I want to view things brighter or boring. The good and bad after all, both lead us to the future for what’s meant to be taught in us and bring us towards where we need to be at the present.
By spending some moments appreciating/contemplating, the more ambiguous matters become rather positive to my perception…… At least for me, despite Everything, Everything, Everything that I’ve despised in my life so far, together with all that I’ve enjoyed and loved and celebrated over, have brought me to sit here at my desk reminiscing their causes. Everything, despite how it is at this moment, is actually going to be okay. It’s the beauty of Time, could be the only beauty of it, I don’t know. It’s a game between our perception and time..
I listened to this song on my balcony today, It’s a song I used to worship while I was in high school. It’s an old song by this band I went crazy for, out of nowhere (I never get obsessed over celebrities or musicians..). None of my friends ever like this band wherever I go. But I was crazy about it, and anything that put me down during the time before I found my spiritual awareness (where I was patiently put to let things go without understanding, and encounter things I didn’t have to but constantly kept attracting to myself..), I spent my time listening to their songs. I decided to listen to this song for the first time in months, Chicago surprised me. It was the first snow of the year…. while Kill Hannah recited it for me, It was incredible…
Lastly, but not the least……. (On top of all of these amazing things that’s already been happening,)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MALVINA!!!!!!! I love and miss you so much…. Love and Light, good night now.
I was able to recover from what I call my Noodle Life. I went to celebrate my good friend, Lissie’s birthday on Friday night after a good long nap and attempts to centralizing my energy. I tend to lose my focus every now and then, living a Noodle Life. I came home that night from Lissie’s birthday with bruises all over my body, and No, I did not have a drop of alcohol that night. I tried to keep myself away from external impact on my sensitive energy field at the time. (Haha.. I sound like a weirdo but I don’t know how else to put this sort of explanation!) How did I come home with bruises? I entered their house, and a friend picked me up and hits my head hard on the ceiling, then on the wall. He was completely oblivious of how much pain I was in. I was relieved to feel my feet back on the ground again after a few minutes of being held up in the air by a drunk man. Then I walked into the living room, welcomed by another friend who picked me up and hit my head on the ceiling AGAIN. I don’t know what it is with me and my circle of friends who mostly happen to be violently tall?! So my bruises are looking pretty serious, my arms have yellow and purple polka dotty spots, my head’s got 2 swollen spots. But all is good, because other than being misunderstood for being a dumb drunk, it was Lissie’s big day. Happy birthday Lissie!
“The universe was not created to answer our needs. Frustration is deeply woven into the fabric of life. And whenever some of our needs are temporarily met, we immediately start wishing for more. This chronic dissatisfaction is the second obstacle that stands in the way of contentment. To deal with these obstacles, every culture develops with time protective devices – religions, philosophies, arts, and comforts – that help shield us from chaos. They help us believe that we are in control of what is happening and give reasons for being satisfied with our lot. But these shields are effective only for a while; after a few centuries, sometimes after only a few decades, a religion or belief wears out and no longer provides the spiritual sustenance it once did.”
The more we desire for what we assume is within our reach from external influence rather than within our internal affection, the more we begin to recognize the impossible cycle of our growing necessity. This only drives fear in our society for being unpredictable and insensible.
Society never accepts the fact that physical desires are merely temporary. Society hates the thought of seeking for the contentment over pleasure. Why can’t we simply live humble and accept the fact that we are all fearful human beings? Fear is not what it seems to be defined as – it is only defined the way it is in our society because society defines everything through instant assumption, without observing for a purpose of the matter. There is a purpose for fear to take a huge role in our lives. And it’s okay, because clearly, we are surviving, and some of us are still capable of reaching the level of contentment.
It’s that time of Kaori’s calendar again, where I need to be alone and neutralize myself. I hate that when I realize I am being too overwhelmed with people’s energy, it’s too late. I find myself in a ditch where I am trying to get myself back up to feel better and comfortable, but it kills me. It’s nothing anyone did to me personally, but I tend to collect a lot of negative energy of people or I also tend to collect my own, while thinking I’ve been getting away with them, and never giving myself enough time to face and solve them. It’s times like this, I need my spiritual well-being most but I lose it. I haven’t been dreaming anything substantial lately because I’ve been so spiritually numb, focusing myself more on the physical aspects of my daily routine. I did have one dream this afternoon when I took a nap which I won’t mention just yet, maybe in the future when I can appreciate it more with spiritual analysis of it. Good night for now..
