KAORI'S SPOON

I’m chewing on ice again, (my favorite kind) from Argotea. Their Mojitea with sparkling water is the best! Truly is. Anyway, I overslept today but not intentionally, I was really being dragged back into the dream world this morning. I dreamed of getting shot with a riffle on the back of my head while staring at a baby screaming and crying for fear! What a dreadful dream. The atmosphere was bizarre, with a bunch of neon colors and striking reds and yellows. The baby was getting chased by a mad man who kept trying to shoot the baby. The baby luckily missed every shot until the man stranded the baby in the corner of such a groundless environment. As if the corner just popped out of nowhere from the bundle of colors. That was when I quickly stopped watching it all happen, and involved myself into the dream world. I jumped right in front of the gun and hugged the baby, facing back to the mad man. I knew I was getting shot but I wasn’t very fearful. I was more preoccupied by the thought of saving this baby. The baby’s eyes grew bigger as the gun shot towards me. I saw tears like graphic illustration, goozing out of the baby’s eyes in big droplets. I smiled at him and told him I loved him and I began to cry. Then I must’ve been shot after that, I blacked out and woke up back in this world. As if I had just finished a mission, I felt like I had my next mission to accomplish, this time in this reality. I quickly got up but I must’ve fallen back asleep again. I was constantly distracted by the thought of having work at 2pm today. I kept waking up and imagining my clock saying it was already 3 o’clock. But anyway, this time I dreamed of my kitchen back in the Philippines. I was able to recognize after I woke up that the people I met in this dream were actual spirits that live in the house perhaps. They were extremely cheerful and exciting. We decided to order some Vietnamese food, and they ordered the spiciest noodles on the menu. While they were eating them, they kept laughing at themselves for eating such spicy food but soon they were dripping blood. The sweat had turned red from the flaming flavor. This I did not find strange until I’d woken up. I told them they shouldn’t have ordered such spicy food, but they insisted that they liked what they were eating. Strange.. Very strange..
So about work…… Hmm. I waited at our meeting point for about an hour listening to Disc A of In Search of the Sunrise by Tiesto (of course!!!!!!) but my boss never arrived. So I gave her a call and she told me she was on her way and to tell everyone to stick in one place. But the problem was no one was there. No one ever came after that. So I did my usual, Fuck This and walked over to Urban Outfitters for some stupid girl shopping. At least I got myself a new top?

The day of her arrival, (August 15) I did nothing but sit in front of my Bose and trip out to crazy music, getting my spiritual sense stronger than ever. Once it had struck the clock about an hour before her arrival, I quickly got myself ready and headed for Midway with the music still trapped in my head through my headphones. It was an incredible day, I couldn’t believe this dream state was as real as reality- I couldn’t believe a dream had transcended so clearly into my reality. I waited for about maybe half an hour for her and her mother to walk out of the arrival lane but the instant they appeared, I ran and gave her a hug before she had even noticed it. She was completely freaked by the first welcoming in Chicago – an unknown identity’s rapid hug without even a vision of him/her running towards her! I was so, so ecstatic! The first night was a dinner at VTK, possibly my favorite Thai Restaurant. The Wongs were so glad to have some Asian Food after a couple of nights in San Francisco where they ate burgers and steaks everyday. Asians can never survive without a piece of rice, this is true.

Lots of interesting things besides the usual Vin and Kookoo’s crazy spiritual experiences. Vin’s mom met up with her old high school friend and it had been decades since they’d last seen each other. The friend was of course shocked to hear Mrs. Wong had a daughter now going off to college, and with the youngest (and the cutest) son being 12. But what shocked Mrs. Wong about the friend was that she was dating a boyfriend who she won’t even permit to borrow her keys to her house. They live seperately, and she plans to stay that way for another long time. Only women like her are lucky enough to find such a convenient boyfriend. Although it’s nice to have a part time ‘husband’, I’d rather be married by 40. But this friend was a funny woman; especially when she questioned Mrs. Wong about her suggestion of taking a Taxi. Mrs. Wong also visited my apartment and I was just so relieved to hear (because she’s my interior design idol) that she liked my place! Hahahaha, except for the fact that she saw our cigarette buds but besides that, I’m very glad!
Vin and I met up with an old high school friend, Rob for lunch at a really good Chinese restaurant downtown. Then we headed to Ghirardelli and Hershey’s! They had this cute machine at Hershey’s where we take a picture and it gets printed to become a huge Hershey’s bar with that photo on it! It also allowed us to write a caption so we put “Universe” (we never get rid of the nerdy spirit). It’s adorable, I still have it kept safely in my fridge. Then across from Hershey’s at Ghirardelli’s, we had 2 big parfaits. They were both so, so delicious but super filling!
That same night, we visited Elliot’s new place, which was really really really gorgeous and with the best(!!!) view from his balcony. We had some wine then headed to the lake, my favorite spot and hopefully Vin’s too. We had more wine by the lake with some good conversation, then I had to pee like a horse so we headed back to Elliot’s place. I was really happy because Vin finally had the chance to have some real Chicago’s deep dish pizza that night, which she loved! Good conversation, calm energy and Family Guy! The day of her departure came around so quickly, the whole visit really did give me an after effect of a good, long dream. But I like it that way, it made everything much more memorable, magical and amazing.
This morning I had a dream about Malvina and I at a beautiful apartment by the beach, and we flew a helicopter out from the balcony like the air force show. What was most real about this dream was the turbulence even after the dream was done. Before I end this entry, I want to write down something Vin pointed out during our philosophical balcony nights. It was one of the greatest thoughts I’ve heard in a very long time. “Do you have any change?” “Spare change?” These questions on the street, the plastic cups and cardboard signs – of course, when we feel hopeless and helpless, there is not enough in us to stand back up and we tend to ask our peers. For those homeless people in the city, it could be a subconscious desire in them, that they want change in their lives. But a coin will not help, a residential shelter will help for the present but not permanently in their lives. What would help, is asking themselves for change – a change in their lives. All human beings are born with innate source of love. We can, if we dig hard enough and long enough, seek out the positivity that sleeps under all the negativity that suppresses the positive. Love is everywhere still, not by asking, but in us, enough to make each of us content in this simple yet ironical and complicated reality.
Some photos… (more…)

I’ve finally finished settling in. It almost feels like I just finished a 100miles marathon; this took over a week of staying up until 5am unpacking and cleaning, and multiple visits all over downtown for electrical services.. Internet is soon to be connected at my house in two weeks, but until then I will be sitting here every morning, at the lobby’s Wi-fi cafe. The community here is really amazing, I’ve met a few neighbors in the building who also have just recently moved in since this apartment’s been only open for about a month. People here are all really friendly, I love the atmosphere. I am so happy about my decision to move in here!
After going around the city again yesterday for my electrical services and updating my new billing addresses, I met up with a friend to go to Argyle where they have amazing Vietnamese Pho noodle restaurants! I was so thrilled about this because Vietnamese is my favorite food and for once I was going to have lunch out for leisure and not because I was starving and tired from all the cleaning! But this excitement didn’t last for long – after maybe about 4 stops on the train from where we got on, I started to feel strangely ill and panicky.. I felt really uncomfortable where I was standing and how people around me were standing so close to me. I think for the first time, I was feeling extremely claustrophobic. I was really ready to puke on the Cubs fan next to me. I had awful goosebumps and the next thing I knew, my knees were on the floor and my bags had all fallen on the ground. Was I falling asleep standing up?! I tried to get up, then my body weight from my knees went to my head. I was then leaning my head on the door. My whole body then fell onto the door. My vision was blurry and strange as if I were on ecstasy. I kept seeing blue haze and pixel-like colors all over the place. But clearly, the incredible high life of ecstasy was NOT THERE. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, the lady was holding my arm pulling me to take her seat. She honestly saved my life, I had never felt so relieved! Even after sitting though, I couldn’t stop staring the ceiling and rolling my eyes back. I was shivering and freeeezing in my cold sweat. This was such an awful experience in such a tiny space. Energy around me was definitely overwhelming me for some reason, but I was probably just exhausted. I was already feeling really eerie and gross from when I first got on the train. This guy standing in front of me had an odd, possessive energy. I also noticed he kept glaring at me. I’m glad I didn’t puke, because then the Vietnamese food would have failed on me that afternoon. Despite this strange fainting experience, my Pho noodle was good as always. It made my day!
Aside from this crazy train ride, there’s been good news since moving into my new place!!!!!! My soul sister, Vin is coming to visit me here on the 20th of this month! I can’t wait…. It’s unbelievable, I’ve been counting down the days. She is also heading to San Francisco in 4 days. Just FOUR MORE DAYS! Wow this world is going crazy with way too much excitement, I can’t absorb all these amazing things all at once but I must and I want to and not only do I have to but I don’t know how to! But I need to absorb these as soon as I can or else I’ll miss the best part of all! – LIVING IT.

I’ve been extremely busy the past few days with the worst jetlag/sleep pattern. From the very hour I arrived in Chicago, I had a long and very important To-Do list to get done, on top of having to check-in with my lease-consultant to my new apartment! Normally I am quite good with preventing jetlag, simply by pulling an all nighter on the night before the day of flight and pass the fuck out on the 13hr plane ride. However this time, I fell asleep 6 hours before my departure time, making it a lot harder for me to simply knock myself out on the coach chair up in the sky with unsteady gravitational force. Also, the instant my lease consultant gave me my new key and brought me up to the room, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud and hold the moment dear to my heart by jumping around and letting my spirit free! I was so psyched and thrilled I couldn’t hold myself! The consultant must have thought I got the crazies..
This is my first time living by myself in my very first apartment! I have been waiting for this day for the past 5 years and it is finally here, in my reality. It’s too surreal for me to handle, with all the other amazing things that have happened over this summer break – all the good things feel way too dreamy and unreal. I am desperately in need of solid, pure hours in which I can sit, listen to the atmosphere, and slowly absorb this new reality. However, these hours did not come soon. After the jumping around and singing and dancing in the new space, was a lonely lifestyle of sleeping on the carpet, unpacking the delivered boxes everyday for the next couple days. The third day since the move-in was a looooong trip outside of Chicago, in Schaumburg for Ikea. Ikea was definitely worth the travel, it was so much fun just walking around! After my Ikea trip, the lonely lifestyle continued – vacuuming, polishing, sweeping, etc. Then of course, the building of Ikea furniture. I am still in the process of all of this but I decided I must keep myself updated on here as a good record of my first experience moving in. The photo above is of my apartment when it was still being built before I left Chicago in June. And below are some photos on my whole new life in this new studio room: (more…)